Reflections

Last night I was reflecting on what Lisa and Misty wrote on Lisa's blog about offending or not offending. I was thinking of how I have offended my sisters greatly, to the core they have said and yet I don't know exactly what I did to offend them so deeply. I feel sad because I have apologized and still there is no forgiveness in sight. I have said sorry for what I have done, not returning phonecalls and missing my nephew's birthday party but there must be something more that I have done or they think I have done. If I remember right we are supposed to forgive everybody and forget the wrongs that were put upon us. It seems so hard to keep that anger and hurt so close to your soul for so long. I would never intentionally hurt my sisters or anyone, if that was the case I would directly confront somebody. I don't feel that I am a horrible person that doesn't deserve my sisters love but yet that is what they are withholding. My mom asked me "you know that your sisters really do love you right?" And I had to respond with, no I don't. It has been a long time since they have shown me true charity and forgiveness. When did Jesus say, you need to forgive everyone except the people who don't attend your parties and won't talk to you on the phone! I know that I am an overimaginative and sensitive person and I work on that every day so I don't read into what people say to me and get offended. I am easily offended and so are my two dear sisters that I love so much. That is our problem. We need to stop trying to find things that will offend us in what other people say and do with eachother. I for one am getting so tired of living with hurt and offense. If we could just believe in the good in all people, we wouldn't assume that they were trying to hurt our feelings by saying things or not saying things. Isn't it hard work to look for the bad in people and act hurt and offended. I know it hurts me. I want to smile more, laugh more and have fun with my family, not feel like I have no place there. My sisters and I used to be such great friends, then we all got way too sensitive and now we can't even be around each other. I try to be civil at family functions but they refuse to accept my offerings. 30 years of friendship and sistership holds no value now. That is the real tragedy!