To wean or not to wean that shouldn't be the question!

I have not posted in over a year. Not because I haven't wanted to but my life has been busy with being a full time mom, full time wife and and most importantly a full time breastfeeding mother of twins.
My twins are now 19 months and are not showing signs of weaning. When I first started breastfeeding I wasn't sure I would make it to a year. But I was very sure that I would stop nursing the twins at one year. I made plans for going on an overnight getaway with my hubby of 12+ years, anticipating the arrival of the one year mark. I even thought about what I would do with all of my free time, not confined to the rocking chair nursing two growing babies.
However, when the year mark came the twins Andrew and Ammon, were still eagerly attached to me every three to four hours and I found myself wondering why ending our nursing relationship at a year was so important to me. I began looking at the struggles and the joys in a different light. I focused on every minute that we nursed together and realized how much I would miss our time together. I would miss the soft scratching of Ammon's fingernails as he slipped his hands under the sleeve of my shirt. This comforting gesture that is so unique for Ammon. Also, I would miss Andrew's special way of wrapping the bottom of my shirt around his two first fingers. Plus, how could I go a day without the twins looking up into my eyes, smiling and holding hands with each other. Nursing twins is definitely a miraculous and amazing adventure in its own right.

With how the world is zooming by at what seems like the speed of light, why am I in such a hurry to be done with this beautiful bonding time with my toddlers? I don't know. Maybe it is pressure from society, or the weird looks I get from friends, family and even strangers, when they find out that I am still nursing my boys. Or maybe it is the looks of "you're crazy, don't you want a life".
Whatever it is that has made me even contemplate weaning Andrew and Ammon, when it is very clear that they are not ready and neither am I, I am choosing to ignore it. The world would be a better, more peaceful place, if we took more time to enjoy the quiet moments with our children when all we focus on is selflessness and love. Because when it comes right down to it, what is more selfless than literally giving of yourself to your children.
When my children grow strong and healthy on my breast milk alone, it makes me feel empowered and confident because I am giving my babies the best. I know I might offend some people with this post but I can not deny the truth anymore just to spare other people's feelings. In the past, I have tried to make mothers feel that bottle feeding isn't that bad because I am just that type of person, not wanting to rock the boat, so to speak. But, barring some few and rare extenuating circumstances, virtually every mother CAN breastfeed their babies if and only if they are truly willing to sacrifice for their little ones. Hey, I am all about the woman's right to choose. But the choice is between whether you want to give your child the best start in life or not. Which one will you choose?
It's not easy and it can seem like there is no support for breastfeeding mothers out there but there is! Please don't feel like you are alone. Breastfeeding is the best start for your baby. It is more important than shopping at the mall and bringing a bottle of formula along "just in case". It is more important than slipping a binkie into your baby's mouth to quiet them at church, when they are probably hungry. It is more important than going out with friends or your husband at least for the first few months.
Nursing is a work in progress, it doesn't come naturally to a lot of us and it doesn't make you a bad mom if you can't do it. I just want to see more of us women try it and give it a fighting chance before we decide "it's too hard". Wait until six months, get extra help if needed and don't be afraid to ask for it. The rewards are immeasurable!
I don't know when Ammon and Andrew will be done nursing. I don't even want to guess or think about it. Because in the great scheme of life, this time with Andrew and Ammon, is such a short time. Before I know it they will be in Kindergarten. I will never have this time back. So for now, I am reveling in the joys of being a nursing mother of twins, taking it moment by moment. I feel blessed and relieved that I am still able to soothe and comfort my baby boys through my cuddles, kisses and breastfeeding. Life with a newborn/toddler is so much easier because of breastfeeding and you can quote me on that!

Reflections

Last night I was reflecting on what Lisa and Misty wrote on Lisa's blog about offending or not offending. I was thinking of how I have offended my sisters greatly, to the core they have said and yet I don't know exactly what I did to offend them so deeply. I feel sad because I have apologized and still there is no forgiveness in sight. I have said sorry for what I have done, not returning phonecalls and missing my nephew's birthday party but there must be something more that I have done or they think I have done. If I remember right we are supposed to forgive everybody and forget the wrongs that were put upon us. It seems so hard to keep that anger and hurt so close to your soul for so long. I would never intentionally hurt my sisters or anyone, if that was the case I would directly confront somebody. I don't feel that I am a horrible person that doesn't deserve my sisters love but yet that is what they are withholding. My mom asked me "you know that your sisters really do love you right?" And I had to respond with, no I don't. It has been a long time since they have shown me true charity and forgiveness. When did Jesus say, you need to forgive everyone except the people who don't attend your parties and won't talk to you on the phone! I know that I am an overimaginative and sensitive person and I work on that every day so I don't read into what people say to me and get offended. I am easily offended and so are my two dear sisters that I love so much. That is our problem. We need to stop trying to find things that will offend us in what other people say and do with eachother. I for one am getting so tired of living with hurt and offense. If we could just believe in the good in all people, we wouldn't assume that they were trying to hurt our feelings by saying things or not saying things. Isn't it hard work to look for the bad in people and act hurt and offended. I know it hurts me. I want to smile more, laugh more and have fun with my family, not feel like I have no place there. My sisters and I used to be such great friends, then we all got way too sensitive and now we can't even be around each other. I try to be civil at family functions but they refuse to accept my offerings. 30 years of friendship and sistership holds no value now. That is the real tragedy!

Friendship

Today was a great day of friendship. I got together with several friends of mine to work on individual projects but mostly to talk and commiserate about life. I had such a great day and felt so good about getting my blanket finished after 5 years sitting in my closet getting dusty. Thanks to all my wonderful friends out there who each offer such a unique part of themselves into my life. I need friends more than ever right now and I feel so blessed to have them so close.